Thursday, April 17, 2008

An Open Offer From Bring The Books: Use These Blurbs!

In an effort to increase the visibility of our blog here at Bring the Books, I have decided to provide a generous service to Reformed book publishers everywhere. Rather than sending us your books in an effort to get blurbs to put on the back of your books (we get so many we'll never get them all read!), we have a list of ready-to-use blurbs which publishers can use to endorse virtually any book they decide to churn out, without the slightest protest from us here at Bring the Books.

"[Insert Author's Name] has written a tome which is crucial for Christians today who want to understand things."

"A moderately enjoyable read. I would have preferred less footnotes, more references to Battlestar Galactica, and the occasional video game review, but hey - they can't all be the latest issue of Geek Monthly!"

"Though J.I. Packer has probably already endorsed this book, let me throw my hat in the ring as well."

"This book was written by a person." [Note: Please do not use this particular blurb if the book was written by a computer program, a fetus (totally kidding!) or some advanced life-form not qualifying as a "person" in the traditional philosophical sense.]

"A white-knuckle read (if you read it while driving very fast)."

"If you scrutinize the wording of this book, I think you will find, at the least, a grade school English education."

"Makes the Westminster Confession look like The Cat In The Hat!"

"The binding of this book is adequate, and the cover is definitely something to look at."

"Another masterpiece from the Stephen King of Reformed Theology: [Author's Name] strikes again!"

"This book has words in it."

"This book wasn't really doing it for me until I started reading it at the same time as I was listening to Dark Side of the Moon. They totally line up!"

"You couldn't pay me to use this book as a doorstop." [Note to publishers: Only to be used with bad books.]

"[Author's Name] out-James-Whites James White!"

"In this book, [Insert Author's Name] has once again made open theism look ridiculous. Granted, Open Theism hasn't been cool for at least 2 or 3 years and this book is definitely behind the times, but nevertheless, the author has still made open theists look very un-hip, as is only proper."

"If I didn't already know everything there is to know about this subject, I would have learned a lot from this book!"

"A film adaptation of this book would be pretty boring, but as a book it's alright."

"John Piper could have written this book much better, but at $2 cheaper, you can't beat the value."

"[Author's Name] basically plagiarized pages 219-258 of Berkhof's Systematic Theology, but that's a good thing!"

"Definitely a readable book (unless you are illiterate)."


  1. Ha! That made me take a double-take, but I laughed hard. I'm going to link this one.

  2. Adam,

    My wife and I laughed so hard. This is one of the best you have done. Too bad you are not this funny in person.

  3. I hate to be too self-congratulatory, but I'm reading these through again and laughing so much! It's not proper to laugh at your own material, my wife keeps reminding me.


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