More Tree of Life FUN!

[The Tree of Life comes to DVD and Blu-Ray on October 11th]

Improving on the NASCAR Prayer

As far as I'm concerned, the now infamous prayer offered at the NASCAR race where the man publicly thanked God for his "smokin' hot wife" was pathetic and inexcusable. ... That being said, we now have this terrific autotuned version which almost justifies the horror of such an awful mockery of what might be called "prayer." I said almost.

Plantinga's Air Conditioner

I know this video has been making the rounds, but considering how much Dr. Reiter loved Plantinga and how much of him we had to read in our philosophy classes, it's funny to see him on a local news show... not talking about anything remotely philosophical. My guess is, the news crew had no idea they were in the house of one of the greatest living analytic philosophers in the world.

ACE Atheist Chaplain Enterprises: Keeping You Out of the Faith

We at ACE Atheist Chaplain Enterprises have a saying: when the going get tough, you may need a boost to your faith (or lack thereof). Sure it's not a catchy saying, but it is a factual one. You may be new to your atheism, or you may have struggled with holding onto it all your life. But as this New York Times story explains, once you find yourself in a foxhole with Charlie breathing down your neck, you never know when you might be tempted to make a quick conversion, just in case you're looking for a little fire insurance.

Well never fear, because that's where ACE Chaplains come in. Our team of materialistic humanists will be there with you through the thick and thin. Feeling a little guilty because you cheated on your wife with one of the Korean drinking girls? We'll be there to remind you that there's no deity watching us. Can't kick that drinking habit? We'll be there to slip a little rum in your coke in the mess hall - just to get you through the morning. Thinking of browsing through a Bible, "just to see what it says?" We'll be waiting with a stack of pornography to keep your mind off of the so-called "big issues" of life. Maybe you're tired of your watching the guy next to you praying to Mecca five times a day. We'll let him know that's a bunch of nonsense.

At ACE, we know that it takes work to keep you out of the Kingdom of God. Temptations are all around you to draw you into the religious life. You need an advocate who can stand against the spiritual onslaught which you encounter throughout daily life. The Army's no cake walk, what with all the killing and swearing and guilt attached to your daily existence. You need someone to take your mind off of things by pulling you aside, putting an arm around your shoulder, and saying, "Hey! Carpe Diem."

On top of all these great benefits, our skilled chaplains can respond to your deepest doubts by reading the latest Christian "scholarship." Say you're afraid about what if you're wrong and there really is a hell. We're ready with something to think about: "You know, there are Christian theologians who say that hell really isn't even that bad. One of them even says that it's basically this emo place of existential angst that you can eventually get out of if you just start thinking positively. Not that there is a hell, or a God, of course... I'm just saying... if there was..."

Atheist Chaplain Enterprises. We'll be your humanistic influence. God knows you need one.

Communion Wafers Upgraded To Communion Bread

HATTER’S BLUFF, NY – In a move which prompted thunderous applause lasting over 15 minutes, the First Presbyterian Church of Hatter’s Bluff made the decision to move away from the decidedly unbiblical communion wafer towards the much more delicious, much more Christ-like loaf of fresh-baked sourdough bread.

Though the move was well-received, some in the church feel that sourdough is a move in the wrong direction. Some argue that Rye bread is the more “jewish” of the bread kingdom, and that it is, therefore, closer to the bread Jesus would have eaten. Others, however, feel that Jesus’ favorite bread is a European sweetbread. Says Tina Barfield, “The sweetness of the bread represents how sweet Jesus is towards those He has chosen.” Ron Henderson – a loyal deacon – agrees (albeit for different reasons), “Yeah. Sweet breads taste better, so I want them to use the best tasting bread.” Considering the prospect of using rye bread during the service elicits a shrill response, preceded by a loud shriek. “No. No, no, no! There is no way I will take the Lord’s supper if it tastes like cardboard and baby powder. Why not just put raisins or nuts in there while you're at it!?”

Some, however, have already begun Machivellian schemes to replace the Welch's grape juice with real wine. "These things take time," said our anonymous source. "You can't rush true reformation."

Top 10 Signs You Are No Longer Young, Restless, and Reformed

Sign #1: You've given up smoking your pipe because you want to actually be able to afford term life insurance.

Sign #2: Your 'Jonathan Edwards is My Homeboy' shirt is faded and now simply reads, 'Jonathan Edwards is My Home."

Sign #3: You now read your ESV Bible more than you read John Piper.

Sign #4: You've considered writing a book (for P&R rather than Crossway), Old, Well-Rested, and Reformed. [Copyright: Adam Parker, 2010] (You want the name, Collin Hansen!? Come back in 30 years and just try to get it!)

Sign #5: You find yourself warning newbies about 'the cage stage,' and then you find yourself reminiscing about terrorizing unsuspecting Arminians back in your day.

Sign #6: You actually know who Van Til is.

Sign #7: You have decided that is is okay to plod.

Sign #8: Your iPod now has more sermons by Sinclair Ferguson than it does of Mark Driscoll.

Sign #9: Drinking beer may still be a pleasure for you, but it isn't as cool as it used to be.

Sign #10: You just had your child baptized.

[What follows are the apocryphal signs, not to be confused with the top 10.]

Sign #11: Your Ty Pennington hairdo is starting to look less Pennington and more Luther.

Lady Gaga Needs To Read Kevin DeYoung

The editor-in-chief of Vogue magazine, Anna Wintour, was on Jimmy Fallon last night discussing Vogue's annual Met Ball fundraiser. This year's musical act was Lady Gaga. While discussing the event, Wintour revealed that Lady Gaga "was communing with God and she was praying in the back, waiting for God to tell her it was all right to go actually onstage." Fallon didn't miss a beat: "I always talk to God, too -- whenever he says I can start the show. He books a lot of acts in New York City."

Somebody needs to send Lady Gaga a copy of Kevin DeYoung's new book Just Do Something. She might be on time for more appearances that way.

This Photo Needs a Caption!

I'll start it off: "John demonstrates for his barber the 'fu-man-chu'."

Thankful Thomas

G.K. Chesterton relates in his biography of Thomas Aquinas that Thomas was once asked what he is most grateful to God for. His response was, "I have understood every page I ever read." Clearly, Thomas had never read N.T. Wright on justification. Although I'm not willing to say he wouldn't have liked him.

SLAM!

Futurama Does Evolution/Creationism

Let us first acknowledge that yes, that is an image of the flying spaghetti monster protesting evolution. Every now and then, a TV show throws some surprises at you, and to my mind, Futurama did that this season with the newest episode, "A Clockwork Origin." Ever since the show's triumphant return to television on Comedy Central, I have watched and loved every episode, even the episode which made wildly offensive (to me, anyway) arguments about things like gay marriage (See the episode "Robosexual Marriage") and Apple (See "Attack of the Killer Apps"). But I'm the kind of guy who likes his opponents if they're clever and have a hilarious way of disagreeing with me. Hence, why I like Christopher Hitchens so much even though he is dead wrong and misrepresents my worldview with every chance that he gets.

Thursday night's episode tackled the issue of creation and evolution. Let me share some of the nuggets:

• "A bunch of smiling angry people were handing out these anti-evolution flyers."
• One protester has a sign that reads, "Nothing Ever Changes!" Another reads "Read my lips: No New Taxonomies"
• Dr. Banjo: "May I remind you that evolution is merely a theory; like gravity or the shape of the earth."
• Dr. Banjo: "Things don't exist simply because you believe in them: thus saith the almighty creature in the sky!"
• Professor: "Your tux doesn't fit because you stole it from a boy!" Bender: "You mean a man; it was his bar mitzvah."

By the end of the episode, Dr. Farnsworth's nano-robots have evolved into complex and intelligent creatures. When Dr. Farnsworth tells the robots that he created the nanobots which they evolved from, the robots gasp, "This is creationist talk!" Farnsworth is then arrested for crimes against science.

Dr. Banjo calls this "evolution set in motion by an wise and all-knowing creator." While taking exception with the "all-knowing part," Dr. Farnsworth still has a laugh at the idea that he was created by some wise all-knowing bearded man in the sky. This appears to be an intentionally ironic statement. Therefore, in an oddly backhanded way, Futurama appears to be saying at least that theistic evolution is not out of the realm of possibility. But in another backhanded way, the episode also at one point referred to creationism as being unfalsifiable. And therefore, perhaps the conclusion of the episode is simply an outworking of that earlier conviction that if something is unfalsifiable then it shouldn't be discounted.

It was interesting to see a TV show that did not take the hard-line naturalist approach to origins, in either case.

Calvinists Have Their Cake and Eat it Too!

Jon Bloom shared this awesome picture over at the Desiring God blog. Apparently this was the cake that the groom wanted at the wedding. I only wish I had shown this sort of foresight at my own wedding.

He Thinks His Wife's a Calvinist

Now This is Why We Read History Books...

Matters came to a head in 1546 when Pierre Ameaux, a citizen of Geneva, was publicly humiliated for opposing Calvin's teaching on predestination. The council had proposed a fine, but Calvin and his colleagues insisted on something more degrading: Ameaux was forced to walk through the city dressed only in a shirt and carrying a torch.

Bruce Gordon, Calvin, 2009

Just imagine if we could get our own magistrates to re-institute this old Genevan punishment for being an Arminian. On second thought, that would require 99% of the U.S. population to go pantless from the womb, so... lets just keep this one in the history books.

The Josh Walker Yu-Gi-Oh Card

I found this somewhere on Facebook and thought you would all get a kick out of it. I actually wish I had one of these cards, myself.