Pat Robertson Knows Why God Destroyed Haiti

Pat Robertson on Haiti Disaster
by burghnews

We are so fortunate that Pat Robertson is continually receiving revelation from God. If it weren't for Pat's almost-super-secret link with the Almighty, we would have all simply believed this to be a terrible act of God's "frowning providence." But now, because the whole nation of Haiti apparently got together, slit their wrists in unison, and swore a big fat national pact with the devil, God waited two hundred and twenty years and then, because he all of a sudden remembered that voodoo pact that those evil Hatians' great-great-great grandparents made, He decided to level the entire country in an act of judgment.

How about this instead:

Pat Robertson is committing a most egregious sin by presuming to speak for Almighty God, most Holy Creator of heaven and earth. Instead of telling the world why Haiti is guilty, maybe he should focus on putting his own house in order.

Whether it's predicting that the end of the world would happen in 1982, predicting a massive terror attack to happen in 2007 (he conveniently claimed credit for averting it), or calling for the assassination of a world leader whose politics Robertson disagrees with, Pat Robertson has continually embarassed himself and, in my opinion, the faith he claims to speak for with his mindless and foolish prediction/finger pointing. To my mind, this is Pat Robertson's only function to society: every time a disaster strikes, he quickly moves in to make a political condemnation of the people upon whom the disaster fell.

*In light of the fact that some people have difficulty seeing sarcasm when it is in the printed form, let me assure everyone that my first paragraph is ENTIRELY sarcastic.